What I told the Magical Learning Podcast about confidence and insecurity
One of the most important lessons I learnt from having lunch with 500 strangers is that we shouldn’t compare our interior with someone else’s exterior.
We know all about our own insecurities, doubts and fears. But when we look at other people, we often see someone who appears confident, successful and completely comfortable in their own skin. And we assume they don’t experience the same doubts we do.
During my 500 lunches, however, I discovered that even people who seem incredibly self-assured can have significant insecurities. They may simply have become very good at concealing them.
Why understanding other people's insecurities matters
That realisation made me less intimidated by other people, more empathetic towards them and more comfortable initiating conversations.
It’s one of the ideas I discussed when I was recently interviewed for the Magical Learning Podcast – which helps entrepreneurs build better businesses and professionals find more fulfilment in their work and personal development.
During our conversation, we explored my book, The 500 Lunches Effect, and the lessons I learnt from spending six years meeting strangers.
How social courage helps us turn confidence into action
Another topic we discussed was social courage – which I define as taking action despite the possibility of rejection, judgement or discomfort.
Social courage matters because so many opportunities require us to put ourselves forward. That might mean approaching a potential client, asking for a promotion, volunteering to lead a project or initiating a conversation with someone we don’t know. Often, we know exactly what we should do. We just hesitate because we’re worried about how other people might respond.
But remembering that other people have insecurities of their own can make those situations feel less intimidating.
And that’s where another lesson from my 500 lunches becomes relevant: confidence generally follows action, rather than preceding it.
We don’t need to wait until we feel confident to exercise social courage. We need to take action, even when we’re uncomfortable, and allow confidence to develop through experience.
I’m grateful to the Magical Learning team for inviting me onto the podcast and giving me the opportunity to explore these ideas.
