What a book reviewer learned from my 500 lunches with strangers
Having lunch with 500 strangers didn't turn me into an extrovert. I'm still an introvert. I still enjoy spending time alone. And I still occasionally feel uncomfortable in social situations.
But something important changed during those six years: I became much more willing to do
things that made me uncomfortable.
That's one of the themes that Tracey Allen picked up on when she reviewed my book,
The 500 Lunches Effect: How Social Courage Changes Everything, for Carpe Librum.
Tracey noted that, rather than waiting until I felt confident enough to approach strangers, I
learned to take action first and let confidence follow.
Why confidence follows action, not the other way around
That's really the central message of my book.
You don't have to be naturally outgoing to build relationships, expand your network or create opportunities. You don't even have to feel confident. You just have to be willing to take the first step, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Tracey also highlighted another lesson from my 500 lunches: you can't predict which conversations will be meaningful.
Some people I expected to learn a lot from turned out to be disappointing. Others, whom I'd approached with modest expectations, taught me extraordinary things. A handful of conversations even changed the direction of my life.
Why you should never judge a conversation by your expectations
That's why I encourage people to be curious about others, rather than making assumptions
based on their job title, status or appearance.
I was particularly pleased that Tracey described my book as “an excellent addition” to the genre of nonfiction built around unusual personal experiments. Of course, she also had some constructive criticism – including wishing I’d shared more details about the 500 people I met and the invitations I sent them. Fair enough!
But perhaps my favourite part of the review was Tracey's closing comment: "Hopefully I'm not the only one who read this and rushed to check my LinkedIn messages just in case Nick Bendel had asked me to lunch and I missed it."
Thanks for the thoughtful review, Tracey. I really appreciate it.
And to everyone reading this: who’s one person you’ve been meaning to reach out to, but haven’t quite found the courage to contact?
